We all have dreams, and those dreams coming true are at times the most terrifying opportunities of all. The dreams are our drive what keep us going. Once they are achieved, what is the point then? And worse yet, what if the dreams turn out far less magical in reality, and leaves us to feeling let down by wonder and losing inspiration altogether?
You may have wondered where Shopgirl has gone, or perhaps you had not even noticed my hiatus. I’ve cherished my dream since I was 14 years old, held it close to my heart. First and foremost, this shopgirl is a mom and a wife. I place my life and dreams on hold for the sake and love of my family. And to hold me over, to maintain my sanity I have written here, to you my followers. Over the years my new dream, or my “holder” dream, has been personified through the tiny green haired girl you spot on the top left of your screen. She is my muse, my light, and my drive. She has become a part of me, and I have given life to her.
But there is a day when your family is as stabilized as life allows, your spouses career has plateaued, and your kids reach a point where they long for independence. We never believe this day will actually arrive. This past June my husband sat me down and pointed out that if I want that dream, that big dream, that dream I’ve cherished under lock and key since I was 14, now is the time. This is the moment. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but we know we have today.
Already, just in the brainstorming process, the pixie dust that has framed my dream is dropping to the ground like ash as the practicalities of budgets and business fall into place. The wonderment, the fun, are replaced with what is logical and “doable”. I hate that word. I despise practicality. And I’m finding myself more uninspired by my dream as each piece of the puzzle is jammed in askew to what lay in the imagination.
My husband is a dreamer, but first he is a numbers man. He speaks in numbers, and he is one of those strange arithmetic whisperers to which the numbers speak back to him. I can’t keep up with their conversation, and thus have difficultly sometimes measuring my boundaries leaving me to have no idea the possibilities that are in my realm. Paint on the wall…that’s what I’m down to. Please, just let me have paint on the wall. Take away the magic and wonder, but please don’t trap me in the white box, there is nothing more spiritually draining.
So where is shopgirl? At present I’m stuck somewhere in limbo between dreams and practicalities. I’m trying to blow the magic of imagination back into the ash of rationalities and somehow find that balance. I miss my little green haired girl who was undeniably eager to greet me each day, and I do not plan to stay away.
If you are seeking me out, check out Twitter, it seems the easiest to maintain through the creative/rational process.
What about you? How have you found balance between your dreams and practicalities?