- Socializing in the Restroom: It’s a timeless laugh, why do women accompany one another to the restroom? When God created Eve he granted all women with the gift of gab. It’s our time to multitask, answer the call of nature, sanitize, and freshen up our appearance all without having to pause our flow in conversation, or taking an aside to discuss our male accompaniments. This is not something frowned upon, like it would be in the laws of the urinal, but instead welcomed and reveled as we pursue the long honored tradition as our foremothers did before us. It is preferred to utilize adjoining stalls, although participation from outsiders is not forbidden, this is girl talk after all.
- Cell Phone Use in the Restroom: Gab in the restroom is about the community, and a conversation on a cell phone alienates that sacred bonding experience. That and who wants a total faceless stranger hearing their grunts, farts, and streams? Keep the cell phone use down to texts, snaps, and selfies. What you snap in the privacy of your stall is your business, no judgements, seriously…weirdo.
- Roving A$$holes: Early in our relationship a good friend of mine and myself sat down for our first lunch. Returning from a quick run to the restroom she stopped me before I could start the next conversation topic, her face serious, I knew this was going to be a question that would lay the cornerstone of our entire friendship, “Are you a squatter or a sitter?” It is an answer that very well defines your entire character as a woman. Are you an self-preserving asshole, or are you a considerate normal person? But no seriously, props to the freaks of nature that can maintain a squatting position whilst juggling their Instagram and a wad of toilet paper. The correct etiquette, use the completely complimentary seat protectors on the wall behind you, or even line the sides and front with three strips of toilet paper. This is a no splash zone, please consider the people who will be anointed with your stall after you.
- Keep the Handicap Handy- It’s so tempting, the space, the illusion of privacy, and sometimes even your own private mirror and sink. Unless the entire restroom is packed and there is a line of 40 non-handicapped individuals behind you, just leave it alone. A few years back a friend of mine had invited me to have some gelato before our outing to a completely hip flick. She had been fighting cancer for over a decade and was starting to lose the fight. Before we left we thought we would move our conversation to the restroom, she leaned on her walker, decoratively covered in pink knick-knacks and christmas lights. We made our way into the small two stall bathroom, long stretches of standing was difficult for her, and when we found the handicap restroom occupied by a capable individual who was…well it’s not lady like to get so graphic, but let’s just say I ended up supporting my friend for the long span of time until the woman emerged. I’m not proud of the stink eye I gave the woman when she exited, but it was a very eye opening experience for me very early on.
- Family Focus- Before I was a mother I frequented the mall scene (if you couldn’t imagine that). On the second floor of Nordstrom’s was an individual family restroom, I called it the single man’s dumper. It was clockwork, each time I emerged from the woman’s restroom another single young adult male would be exiting the family restroom across the hall. When our gazes met theirs’ would droop in a plight of shame, as we all know they were doing the doo. As a mom…there is nothing more frustrating now than having to wrangle three toddlers while waiting for access to a family restroom, only to find a single white male exiting, that dense aroma looming into our nostrils, making an unbearable experience of an already frustrating potty training experience
- Forgetful Flushers- On ending note, flush your excretion upon exiting the bathroom. yes we have been spoiled since the late nineties with toilet sensors, though not all public restroom have such technology. Be considerate and check the toilet before you leave, much like squatting, that’s just unsanitary not only for yourself but for everyone in the bathroom after you.