Retail Half Baked: Interviews

“Don’t smoke pot in my back room,”  a statement I had to repeat over and over again in each training session.  Obviously I would be met with awkward giggles or looks of shock.  Now do I have your attention?  “I don’t care if you smoke pot on your own time, “it’s cool”, that’s your time and your paycheck, just leave my stockroom out of it.”

Interview Fails

It was a sunny south Houston afternoon when she showed up for her interview.  She was in her fifties with hair flying like medusa about her frail cheek structure.  Her arms waved as wildly as her living strands as she paced quickly back and forth before my register.  “Why do you want this assistant position?”  What a loaded question…

Her eyes appeared a fragile glass as they widened with excitement, “You see I was once a crack addict, but I’m not any more, I’m completely 100% sober now.  I’m living with my daughter you see, 100% sober.  I need a job because I’m no longer a crack addict and need to move out of my daughter’s apartment.”

Her glazed eyes would shift quickly back and forth as she went on to describe her sobriety, “I am sober now, yup, 100% sober,” she made sure I understood that her state of mind was not on the inside as it appeared on the outside.

“That’s great,” I feigned.

“I mean I still smoke a bit of pot now and then, but who doesn’t?”  Right, pot, that’s what we will call it, I thought.

The questions didn’t have to continue, she was doing all the talking.  Her monologue went on for another forty minutes before I could manage into the conversation, “That’s great!  That’s all great!  I definitely have you down, I have another interview or two this week, but I definitely will call you back and let you know.


A year or two later I sat down with a young man, just having turned 18.  He was eager to work as a sales associate at a store that I was opening in east Texas.  “Are you an out of the box thinker,” I started.

“Why yes!  I used to be addicted to pot you see, and then I knocked up my girl friend.  We have a baby due next month, and that’s why I really need this job.  To be a dad I knew I had to sober up so I figured out I could smoke this instead,” he pulls out of his pocket three bags of salvia.  “So when I have a craving, I’ll just smoke this instead on my smoke breaks.  This is basically a daily supply”  He was so utterly proud of himself and I did everything I could to maintain composure the rest of the interview, which of course consisted of his baby mama drama, and continued pot rehabilitation.


In Sedona we needed to hire a few new hands for a store I was helping with.  I had never heard of Sedona, in fact I didn’t even know what state it was in.  I was given a call the day before that I had 12 hours to get my bags packed and spend the next two weeks there.  The view was amazing and majestic, I really advise a visit at least once in your lifetime, and the community is quite fun and spiritual…if you know what I mean.

My first interview was held on my first day, and was part of my early impression of the town.  It was a middle aged woman who sat beside me on a mountain side terrace in what seemed to be hiking attire.  She wore a necklace with an owl, and her hat covered her eyes upon approaching the table.  I shook her hand and offered her the chair across from me, and she removed her hat as she sat, revealing her bloodshot eyes.  “If you could be any animal, what would it be?”

“Oh that’s easy, I am an owl.”

“You are an owl? Or you wish to be an owl? Or perhaps an Owl is your power animal?”

“I am an owl, I am a scavenger and traveler.  I don’t stay anywhere long, as my wings cannot be clipped, I must fly.”

Her face was so sincere as she continued on her description.  She went on to poetically describe her feathers, and her flights.  She explained her birds eye views and her desperate need for freedom.  The interview did not take long after this, she was quite interesting and fun to talk to, but I had quite the deadline to find bodies and there was no time for idle, humorous, and fun chit chat with stoners on this day.

16 thoughts on “Retail Half Baked: Interviews

      1. Really considering it of late. I never thought I had enough to collaborate, but as I write these blogs I’m starting to think that perhaps I could… Thank you 😀


  1. As an avid supporter of the reclassification of marijuana, I have to say that these people hurt the credibility of every argument in support of decriminalization I’ve ever made. But then again, I bet you’ve heard your fair share of alcohol issues in retail as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really was the only alchy I knew in retail. I know there was another manager who was fired for brining wine to work in a thermos every day, but for the most part all my employees were on a varying spectrum of drugs.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am very proud of the fact that I have never gone to any job on any substance. No, that’s not true…I am always strung out on caffeine! Oh, and one time I did get a little tipsy on a business trip during lunch which made the afternoon conference much more tolerable.


  2. How you can manage these interviews and not absolutely lose your marbles makes you one tough girl. I would be choking on my on saliva (or maybe salvia) sitting in on these. Funny post, keep up the good work!

    Liked by 1 person

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